A child fights: what to do?
Almost all the children in their lives, at least once, but someone hit. The desire to fight is not always considered a sign of poor education. If children are timely taught to direct and control their aggressive feelings in the right direction, encouraging them to social behavior of a positive nature, for example: help, then many problems can be avoided in the future. In this article, we will look at why a child is fighting, what to do in such situations to parents, and how to wean a child to fight in principle.
When a child beats peers
The four-year-old Nikita, who had returned from a holiday from his grandmother, was unrecognizable. The once quiet and educated child, began to beat in the yard of other children with whom he had previously played peacefully. His parents were shocked by this behavior, as they had never noticed such aggression in a child. What happened, why is the child fighting? The reason turned out to be as follows: Nikita, playing in the courtyard with his grandmother, talked with other aggressive children and adopted their ways of achieving the goal.When he returned home, he began to apply them in his yard.
When a child hits parents
Veronica is two years old, she is a very curious and agile girl, for which her parents sometimes slap her, with bad behavior. Once the ban on mom play with a cell phone, she screamed and hit her on the arm. The logical question is: why is a 2-year-old child fighting? Veronica, looking at the example of parents who slapped her, for wrongdoing, or when they want to achieve some kind of action, also used this technique to get her way.
Family quarrels between children
Another typical example of childish obstinacy is quarrels in the family between an older and younger child. As often happens, in the absence of parents, children peacefully play with each other, and in the presence of one of the children can specifically provoke the other to assault, for the purpose of punishment. It is better for parents in such a situation not to react to quarrels, but to deal with the situation with children only when they fully calm down.
Many fights take place in very similar scenarios: protecting themselves, their things, the field of activity, borders, as well as preventive protection - this is when no one has encroached on “mine”, the child swings to strike.If he sees that his mother is holding his hand and continues to play peacefully, if not, and the blow has happened, then he begins to scold the child or explain that this is bad behavior, and if someone hits him, he will not like it either. There are mistakes in this line of behavior, let's take a detailed look at them in order to better understand how to wean a child to fight.
Incorrect stop of aggressive behavior.
When mom stops her arm on the backswing, it is still considered a blow. In fact, no one was hurt, and there was no blow for the “victim”. But for the child who had raised it, the blow was, and the stop did not come from within, of his own will, but from without. As a result, the baby does not have its own inhibitory imperative, which induces stopping aggressive behavior. By intercepting the hand, as a result, you save only the “victim” without changing the child’s attitude to the fight. A subsequent smooth behavior demonstrates your normal attitude to the aggression of the child.
To solve this problem, it is necessary not to stop the physical attack by physical action, but by voice. If, after listening to your order or shouting, the child stops the action thanks to the inner command, this will already mean that he himself has stopped himself.Of course, you were the cause, but the execution of the inner command is entirely his, both on the mental and physical levels. It is imperative that parents approve and praise. First for self-control, and after, for obedience. And only then comes the turn of morality: that beating people is not good.
This sequence is important, and you need to try to be more concise. For example: “Misha is NO!”, “Well done son, do not fight and listen to your mother. You know that you can't offend other kids. ” This psychological impact is more suitable when a child is fighting a year or a little older. Already after 3 years, this scheme will be useless.
When the child is aggressive, many parents immediately begin: to scold, read morals, appeal to conscience - which is absolutely useless, since the kid at this age still lacks abstract and associative thinking. If a child in 3 years fights, then the above actions of parents can lead to the opposite effect. Usually, children cannot adequately solve the questions posed to them, for example: will he like it,if someone hits him, and simply loses the thread of conversation on this topic, not grasping the fact that he is being punished, giving a lecture, for some kind of misconduct.
You will also be mistaken if you ask a fighter to apologize, or to feel sorry for the offended child, considering this to be a redemption of guilt. For your child, punch and regrets are two unrelated actions. From the point of view of the child, the gap between the blow and the benevolent communication simply fell out and is not interconnected, thanks to your questions and explanations, as well as the insistent demands to perform this action.
The logical punishment in this case is isolation, namely, removal from society. Immediately and quickly you need to either leave the playground, put in a wheelchair, step aside, or remove yourself from the child if he hits you. By such behavior, you clearly formulate: "you can not fight." If you isolate the child immediately, in a sensible way, from other children, then he will not have time to switch to the next task, and will interconnect both of these actions. After that, you need to briefly express a complaint, criticizing the action, and not the child himself.
All children are very vulnerable, and they are easily offended, and even deceived, if a child in 5 years fights - know that he is protesting against restrictions and prohibitions from parents and educators. The goal of aggressive behavior is to remove any obstacles. Usually pugnacity gradually goes into decline. If a child fights at school, with even more increased aggression, especially in elementary grades, then, most likely, there will soon be a recession and the ability to resolve conflicts in other ways will appear, thanks to the experience that appeared in the classroom in game situations.